“Don’t chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people – the ones who really belong in your life – will come to your. And stay.”
– Will Smith
While there’s many different types of love that exist out there, there’s one particular kind of love that appears to be in everybody’s thoughts, minds and conversations : romantic love. I believe this is so because as human beings, regardless of our background, ethnicities, social status etc., we all just want to love and be loved in return. Most of us yearn to finally find the one person that we could laugh, live and share our lives with till death do us part. Despite the fact that we have such strong desires for love, it remains ever so elusive to many. As a result, we seem to spend countless time and effort seeking for that one person that we can sincerely call our better half.
I’m certainly not an expert on this topic, but i found that many of us have a certain expectation of what our soul mates are supposed to be like. I know countless of my own friends, both male and female, have a laundry list of characteristics – be it physical attributes, personality or material wealth that a certain person has to meet in order for us to even give them the fighting chance of being our life partner.
Though I’m all for having standards, in fact, I think it’s wonderful when one believes they’re worthy and know exactly what he/ she wants, but it’s crucial to accept that the person who is right for us may not meet our impossible standards. Since sticking to our list and this love chase approach hasn’t gotten us the results that we had hoped, it’s also time to come to terms that maybe it’s time to approach love a little differently.
We dream and pray for the day our soul mates come into our lives, we actively search for them in bars, parties, online and even ask friends to set us up with those in their network that fit into our list of near perfection. What we don’t realize is this – unlike our careers and other goals we set, love and romance is not something that we can pursuit or chase after.
Looking back, I realized this to be true, none of my relationships started out as something I chased intentionally. They just seem to happen naturally and more importantly, unexpectedly. The invisible hand, call it The Universe, God or simply a force that is greater than us, seemed to have guided me to my relationships. It became clear to me that there is absolutely no need to chase after love. Love always comes when it was the furthest thing from my mind and certainly when I least expected it. In the past, I’ve chocked it up as happy coincidences, but a couple of years ago, I came across this wonderful quote that goes along the line of “Instead of praying for the right person, become the right person”, this was an aha! moment for me. It essentially suggests that instead of putting our efforts to look for our soulmate, we should opt to become the person that our future life partner will be attracted to.
In my own experiences, love always came when I was pre-occupied with other aspects of my life be it my career, my family, my friends and/ or hobbies. I noticed that when I am making the most out of my life, embracing and being grateful for what I already have, instead of dwelling on the things I didn’t have, love effortlessly entered my life. This is because when we are happy and feeling fulfilled, we are being our most attractive selves.
So, what I’m proposing is this, instead of relentlessly focusing your energy on the pursuit of love why not shift that effort to become an even better you? take that recreational class you’ve always wanted, get active and spend your precious time with loved ones who are already in your life. Live everyday with the intention of becoming the best possible you because perhaps that right person is just around the corner, ready to be mesmerized by you and your beautiful life and when that happens, it’s just a matter of time that he/ she becomes a wonderful part of it.